College Girl Needs Phenomenal Literary Agent! (Downtown)
Reply to: email@example.com [Errors when replying to ads?] Date: 2009-07-09, 6:50PM EDT
I am a 22 year old student who has just finished her first 300 page fiction novel. I am going through the process of editing it myself and tightening up loose ends. I have 4 other novels planned, 1 of which already has 100 pages completed. I am looking for a literary agent who has the means to get me an amazing book deal with a big publisher.
I want this literary agent to stick with me through all of my novels so that we can both profit. I want to be close to my agent as if we were family. I’m young, very marketable, and basically guarantee that I am not just a one-time novel writer. I started this book last september, finished most of it by january, took a couple months break to concentrate on classes, and then finished it in the past 2 months. I move quick, but my work is quality
Also, I would like a pony and a tiara, no — make that two tiaras, one regular and one where the diamonds are pink. I would prefer it if you would pick up the tab for our first meeting, and I’m partial to the Russian Tea Room, but I’d settle for the bar at the Algonquin, even though I know what a cliché that must sound like lol. Let’s just call it “ironic” lol.
Now, as for my advance. I’m thinking in the low-to-mid millions, but between you and me, I’ll give you permission to settle for the higher 750’s-to-800 thousands if push comes to shove, seeing as how there’s a depression and also I realize I have to pay my dues. But in that case I must absolutely insist upon retaining the film rights, up to and including full script approval and consultation on casting. I don’t think that’s unreasonable, because this book is me, it is my baby and it is my soul and that’s hard for people to understand but all the greats feel this way, I assure you, about their writing.
Finally, I’d like to get all this petty paper-pushing nonsense wrapped up and out of the way by the end of the summer — sooner if possible so I can take a couple of weeks around Labor Day to just decompress at the beach and get ready for Novel Two, so if you can get back to me ASAP about this that would be awesome. I’ll have my cell turned off tonight and most of Saturday because of plans with friends (whom you must understand come first with me, always) but I will be free most of Sunday so possibly we can do brunch? If that’s too “short notice” any time during this coming week would be okay too I guess.
So I guess that’s it. I’m eager to get to work and so are you I’m sure so, shoot me an e-mail and let’s get started! So excited lol!
(Oh and Binky you bitch, if you’re reading this now you can just go eff off, you had your chance and you blew it.)
And that concludes today’s Profiles In craigslist. craigslist. Leaving me smiling quietly to myself since 1995.